What I'm so excited about yesterday's stdt is that she doesn't want to push me. Which might take some time and effort, working a way around my walls, but she doesn't push me. I say "I don't know" and she says, it's ok, you don't need to know.
And she doesn't judge.
She-t pushes me. And is invasive. And she expresses her opinion a lot.
So now she's on my side, and makes me understand she cares.
But sometimes she's too much.
The last time she pushed, about two months ago, she scolded me and told me off, said I must stop using my child and start using my adult in sessions (transactional analysis stuff). And she was very happy with herself.
(but it doesn't make sense to me; the child is the one that needs help, not the adult - so why work on the adult?)
And last time she said that since then I've been much more active in sessions.
OK so maybe I am. But the time she pushed I felt bad, like, really bad. Really invaded. And ok so maybe it helped our sessions, but, it didn't help me in the long term... I mean, I don't know why I resisted her so much; I didn't learn much from it, so next time I resist someone in a similar way, I won't know what to do; and she scared me.
And it feels so strange, when she says, 'yeah my supervisor wouldn't approve of this', and I'm like, 'wtf are you telling me this?'.
Stdt speaks about connection, and I think she understands the importance of not pushing (kinda like positive dog training!), and patience.
But, I don't feel her, yet; so far I still need she-t. Even with all the bad stuff I just listed.
How complicated can it get?
Still, I need to be patient with myself... not hurry and push myself, trying to find a way out of this mess, even though I so wish I already would :(
And she doesn't judge.
She-t pushes me. And is invasive. And she expresses her opinion a lot.
So now she's on my side, and makes me understand she cares.
But sometimes she's too much.
The last time she pushed, about two months ago, she scolded me and told me off, said I must stop using my child and start using my adult in sessions (transactional analysis stuff). And she was very happy with herself.
(but it doesn't make sense to me; the child is the one that needs help, not the adult - so why work on the adult?)
And last time she said that since then I've been much more active in sessions.
OK so maybe I am. But the time she pushed I felt bad, like, really bad. Really invaded. And ok so maybe it helped our sessions, but, it didn't help me in the long term... I mean, I don't know why I resisted her so much; I didn't learn much from it, so next time I resist someone in a similar way, I won't know what to do; and she scared me.
And it feels so strange, when she says, 'yeah my supervisor wouldn't approve of this', and I'm like, 'wtf are you telling me this?'.
Stdt speaks about connection, and I think she understands the importance of not pushing (kinda like positive dog training!), and patience.
But, I don't feel her, yet; so far I still need she-t. Even with all the bad stuff I just listed.
How complicated can it get?
Still, I need to be patient with myself... not hurry and push myself, trying to find a way out of this mess, even though I so wish I already would :(
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