The worst thing about this anxiety is that it completely supresses true feelings.
You wish for something, or for a second forget about restraining yourself and have a positive thought, a glimmer of hope, and right away there's this evil voice, like some witch in children's stories, cackling "don't even try, don't even hope, don't even think of trying, you're bad, you're so bad nobody will ever love you and you'll never be normal, never, NEVER, NEVAHH, ahahahahahah!"
And you try to fight it, you really do (and then you keep meeting therapists who don't believe you), but you're never succesfull. And eventually you stop feeling, wishing, thinking, hoping, because the voice is so bad and scary you never want to hear it again.
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