Ola!nzapine

I found an interesting article about olanzapine here. It explains why people get fat on it - because it makes the body use fats as a source of energy, instead of carbs, by keeping the insulin in the blood gigh all the time. So no carbs are used for energy (well, little), instead they pile up in the body. Also, it increases body fat, but at the same time decreases lean body mass, so you get fatter.

Basically - the insulin is always high, so the body thinks it didn't get enough carbs. That's why you get carb cravings. Also, because body thinks it doesn't have enough carbs, it starts using fat for energy. But the carbs are there, and if they're not being used for energy, they get stored somewhere. Also, because it's always hungry, the body starts to store more fat (as it happens when you're on a diet, and you're always hungry, instead of burning fats the body starts storing them, because of the "famine").

Interesting.

On it goes

I haven't really been ok in the last weeks, but in these last days it got a bit better.

I've been really anxious and tense, then the culmination was when I went to an agility competition. The anxiety almost killed me, seriously. I was really disappointed because I really thought I was a bit better, and then it turns out I'm not there yet.

:(

But after a day or two I kinda just snapped back and was better. So at least in that part the meds are working.

But then I also discovered I gained 10 kg in three months, since I started the Olanzapine. And today, reading the older posts, I realized fatigue, carb cravings and constant hunger are also part of the olanzapine side effects.

So tomorrow I intend to somehow persuade the psychiatrist to change the mood stabilizer. I do expect she won't say yes. I'm trying to get prepared in my mind, to fight her and make her understand I really need it. But I'm also toying with the idea of going to someone else.

I think I need someone I should be able to trust.

I haven't done any meditation since that acute anxiety attack last week. Will probably start today again. I have been able to exercise quite some (especially after the weight gain shock). And I have been able to keep up daily vacuuming and weekly bathroom cleaning.

So all in all not a very positive report. The general trend is not going upwards anymore. And now I have to shed that extra 10 kg (although I have high hopes at least half will go away by itself, after I stop the Olanzapine).

But panta rei, I hope.